The Red Folder

Photo by Blue Ox Studio on Pexels.com

Since I started my job over a decade ago, one of the highlights of my year has been singing in the choir. We would start singing Christmas songs in September, in preparation for a carol service and other events. I never minded unseasonal music; I’ve always loved Christmas. I’m probably one of very few retail employees who enjoyed the influx of festive tunes starting in November. I loved the buzz and excitement of the busiest time of year.

I’m not often in my physical workplace these days. The last time I was, I cleared my desk and swept everything into a set of drawers underneath it so my laptop would fit in front of my computer. My red choir folder caught my eye. It’s a messy affair, full of printouts of music scores and the words of carols with scribbles and instructions all over the pages.

This is the second year we’ve had no rehearsals, no warm ups, no choosing of songs, no puzzling over harmonies, no listening to solos and no feeling our voices soar and people’s happiness listening to us. I really, really miss it, and in my most secret heart where I bury my most depressing thoughts since March 2020 I acknowledge that I may never need this folder again.

It’s a very, very small loss in the very, very large scheme of things. But it’s still a loss, and listening to Christmas songs this year does feel a little bittersweet.

Tiny Sparks of Joy

All the Lego. We managed to consolidate it recently so at least its all in the same place.

Bailey’s coffee on a Saturday afternoon after all the jobs and running around is done.

The new world of antigen tests we live in now. And not seeing two lines on any of them.

Christmas adverts on television.

A white A4 page that’s so full of stickers and happiness it makes me smile every time.

New Year Joys

December was a good month. A month of Christmas, hot chocolate, cards from old friends, new to us furniture, dressing the house, undressing the house, Santa magic, family time, evenings with wine, finding old treasures that put great big smiles on our faces, a once a year baking session to make a yule log, too much good food and finally some exercise.

Not going to be overly ambitious for this year. Getting Through It feels like enough for now.

Back in the Saddle

I have missed writing so much, but December and the first half of this month really got away from me. It’s been a good four weeks. There’s been reunions with friends old and new, books, wine and food, freecycling, recorganisation, Santa, family time, a lot of home cooking, using up everything because we can’t face the supermarket, de-Christmassing the house, date nights at home with Opera at the Met on the radio, the return of TV favourites like Call the Midwife, a solo mornings to watch Little Women and a lot more that’s blurred into a general feeling that it was a good time, all things considered.

I’m looking forward to a return to normality, given that I’m back to Proper Work tomorrow and already have a growing to-do list for this year. There’s a lot to look forward to, including more books, a holiday with friends, more date nights at home with Opera at the Met on the radio and more plans big and small. A new decade (I know, I know, there are technicalities around calling it a new decade) is something that definitely shifts the mindset a bit, even if only for a bit.

It Doesn’t Have To Be Perfect….

This is my favourite Christmas corner of our home right now. I decided to mix up the decor a bit this year and all the silver in this display worked out really well. There’s also the nice feelings of stories being attached to many of these things, something which is all part of the emotion that surrounds the festive season for so many.

Yesterday was one of my favourite days in the run up to the Big Day. Every year my work choir sing a lovely selection of Christmas carols, some of which I’ve sung every year since I joined and a couple of which are new to us but which everyone else seemed to enjoy hearing. We planned a nice family dinner out afterwards, because for the first time ever the stars and our schedules aligned and my family got to hear me sing.

Dinner was lovely, but ended a little bit earlier than I would have liked due to some spectacular illness from Baby Orchid. So home we went and I had a shower so I no longer smelled of vomit and we consoled ourselves with some very naughty midweek drinks.

I have a day off today and had big plans to get so many things crossed off my to-do list. However, the list remains largely unticked and I’ve been sitting on a couch for most of the day. I got a few things done, including (badly) wrapping some presents, cleaning some surfaces and tackling some of the (extensive) laundry.

I haven’t written a card, cleared any surfaces downstairs or done any laundry today. I haven’t really been happy about all the undone jobs until baby went down for nap 2 of the day and I realised what would really be an orchid would be writing, having a coffee and listening to a podcast. The day doesn’t have to be perfect. The Big Day doesn’t have to be perfect. This is a season, not a timetable or a deadline.

Tiny Sparks of Festive Joy

Finding some time to write, thanks to a blissful month away from work.

Festive doughnuts from the best doughnut company, which are impossible to resist at the train station.

A colourful tree. A new departure for me thanks to Baby Orchid, but unexpectedly delightful.

Making to-do lists and making plans to tick off the things on them.

A new candle, a glass of Bailey’s Irish Cream and A Very Murray Christmas on a quiet Saturday night all to myself.

Tiny Sparks of Christmas and New Year Joy

Another happy Christmas with friends and family.

Deciding to repeat last year’s New Year’s Eve plans and making it a tradition for our family.

A new hairdryer and hair straightener as part of my Christmas present. I didn’t realise how much I missed my GHD.

Taking down the decorations and getting housey jobs done.

Remembering that this was the year we repealed the eighth and completed our family.

Tiny Sparks of Festive Joy

Getting our Christmas decorations out and the memories they have wrapped up in them, and adding some new ones every year.

Festive outings planned from now until January.

A lot of elving for me, which I don’t mind in the least because now everything is done I can relax and enjoy myself.

Mince pies. From everywhere. I haven’t found one I don’t like yet.

Cold, clear mornings and walking in them as much as possible.

Mass In Manhattan

 

Photo by Tatiana Fet on Pexels.com

When I was 21, my parents brought us on holiday to New York for Christmas and the new year. It was a magical holiday, in large part because it was my first trip to America and New York felt like a movie set. The weather was amazing, including snow on Christmas Eve and cold, clear days perfect for sightseeing. I think we all have very happy memories of the trip.

On Christmas Day we went to mass in a church a short walk away from the apartment we were staying in and listened to a priest telling an anecdote about Christmas in Ireland. I haven’t thought about that mass for a long time but something sparked the memory yesterday. One of the (very few, to my mind…) good things about a mass is that no matter where you are it’s going to be pretty much the same. The rituals and the prayers stay the same, you know roughly when the standing and kneeling bits are going to happen and while there’s been a few changes in recent years very little is going to be unfamiliar.

I thought of how comforting that must have been for the immigrants from rural parts of Ireland, as well as everywhere else, having arrived into a place utterly removed from anything they had seen before. Especially when the mass was in Latin, because you didn’t even need to speak English to figure out what was happening. That sense of familiarity must have been a bright spot.

I love this time of year, even though it no longer has any religious meaning for me. Christmas always stirs emotions, good and bad. That mass in Manhattan was probably one of the last times I felt meaning from a service, and 15 years on it remains a fond memory.

Tiny Sparks of Joy

Finding some perfect stocking fillers, like Frida Kahlo in felt form, in the National Gallery shop.

Leaving Holles Street for the last time after having a baby. I’m putting this into the joy part of my head even though I’ve been feeling a bit down knowing I’ll never go through pregnancy again.

Seeing relatives I haven’t seen for far too long, even though it was for the tiniest amount of time.

New to me cups from my mum. I’m looking forward to using them during the festive season.

Ticking some jobs off our to-do list. Not quite there but getting started is half the battle.