The Road More Travelled

I’ve been in my current role for ten years now. It’s the longest time I’ve spent in a job. I flitted around from job to job after college. I had no big or concrete plans and I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I chose my college course for practical reasons, and the fact it let me have a little more variety than other ones offered at the time. I was too afraid to change my reliable part-time job that helped me pay for my social life so I ended up drifting into the same sector I’d always worked in after graduation.

I liked my jobs. I didn’t love them. They weren’t particularly stimulating or challenging most of the time and I don’t think I saw myself in the sector in the long-term, but I needed to earn money and I was good at what I did so I stuck with them. I then drifted into another sector for a year and at the end of that year landed the job I’m in now. It’s probably been the best use of my skills for the past decade. It’s secure, stable, and mainly enjoyable.

Today, for the first time in a very long time, my mind drifted into ‘What if’ territory. What if I had planned my career more carefully? What if I’d sought more guidance? What if I’d studied something else? What if I’d been more open to opportunities in one particular role? What if I had taken more risks? What if I hadn’t let a personality clash stop me from learning more? What if, no matter what I did, I would have ended up here anyway?

Ten years ago I wasn’t married. I wouldn’t have met my husband if I hadn’t taken this job, because we met at a party one of my colleagues hosted after I’d been in the job for a year. I wouldn’t have my children. I was living a very different life. I was a lot more confident in some ways, and a lot more insecure and unhappy in many, many others.

I’m glad I’ve had the experiences I’ve had. It’s hard not to wonder ‘What if’ though. I wonder ‘What if I’m here for another ten years, and then another, and another and then I retire? Is this it?’, and that freaks me out a little.

Tiny Sparks of Joy

A trip to the library. Every time I go I wonder why I don’t go more often.

Some new clothes to make the transition from giant pregnant person to milk supplier easier. I don’t love breastfeeding so I’m willing to throw some money at it to make myself feel any way better about it.

Changing the couch covers I picked up for very little money last year. Grey has given way to cream.

An hour in a warm swimming pool.

A two day work week. I know how lucky I am.

Nesting

I can only fight nature so much. I am in full nesting mode. This weekend mainly involved me insisting on rearranging furniture, some manic folding and a lot of happiness at freshly organised drawers. One of the major upsides of the summer months is a reduced workload at my job and I have been guarding my annual leave for this time of year. I’ve working fewer days from now until the week I start official maternity leave and I plan on putting my days at home to full use. A more organised home is a definite orchid.

Tiny Sparks of Joy

Getting back to normal after holidays.

Being surprised with a bag of baby clothes on returning to work. Being beyond delighted to get one item back which will now be used for a fourth (at least) baby and deciding it won’t be donated after our new arrival outgrows it.

Finding a charity shop bargain when I’d resigned myself to having to buy it new or do without it.

An empty laundry basket.

The brief periods in between near constant heartburn when I realise there’s no searing pain in my chest.

There’s No Place Like Home

We had an amazing time on holidays in France. We were glad every day we decided to go for the nicer mobile home with the bigger bed. We loved eating every single meal outside. But we both agreed that getting into our own bed after nearly three weeks away and a return journey which took 26 hours that our mattress and bedlinen are sheer bliss and worth every single penny.

We bought the mattress eight years ago, just before I pretended I wasn’t moving in with my now husband. I insisted on getting a bigger bed for the apartment he was moving to so we hustled out to Ikea and lay down on some mattresses. We learned several things that day, including:

1. We could survive a trip to Ikea as a couple.
2. Not all mattresses are created equal.
3. Mattresses with memory foam toppers are something we both agree are the most comfortable mattresses we’ve ever been on.

So we bought the mattress and a bed frame which was about one quarter the price of the mattress and we slept happily ever after. And we look forward to returning to it no matter how good the holiday has been.