Since I started my job over a decade ago, one of the highlights of my year has been singing in the choir. We would start singing Christmas songs in September, in preparation for a carol service and other events. I never minded unseasonal music; I’ve always loved Christmas. I’m probably one of very few retail employees who enjoyed the influx of festive tunes starting in November. I loved the buzz and excitement of the busiest time of year.
I’m not often in my physical workplace these days. The last time I was, I cleared my desk and swept everything into a set of drawers underneath it so my laptop would fit in front of my computer. My red choir folder caught my eye. It’s a messy affair, full of printouts of music scores and the words of carols with scribbles and instructions all over the pages.
This is the second year we’ve had no rehearsals, no warm ups, no choosing of songs, no puzzling over harmonies, no listening to solos and no feeling our voices soar and people’s happiness listening to us. I really, really miss it, and in my most secret heart where I bury my most depressing thoughts since March 2020 I acknowledge that I may never need this folder again.
It’s a very, very small loss in the very, very large scheme of things. But it’s still a loss, and listening to Christmas songs this year does feel a little bittersweet.
Orchids on my budget 