When we had our first child, we had a pretty clear view that we should always stick as close to the truth as possible when speaking around and to and with her. I remembered feeling silly or confused as a child when people gave explanations that didn’t made sense instead of telling me plainly about something or explaining it with a lot of confusing euphemisms. So I resolved not to do that with my own kids and thankfully me and himself are on the same page when it comes to virtually all parenting decisions.
This means our kids have always known the words penis and vulva. They’ve been on marches for healthcare and education. They’ve come to vote with us in elections and referendums. They watch the news. They knew our sense of relief when we all saw the electoral college votes stacking up for Biden. And, recently, they’ve seen what’s happening in Ukraine.
I know some people won’t want their children to know what’s going on. They won’t want their children seeing some of the images coming out of Ukraine and hearing some of the stories of what people, including children, are going through, in Ukraine and across Europe as they flee war. When Russia started bombing, our kids heard about it on the breakfast news bulletin on the radio. They had a vague idea of where Ukraine was but not much beyond that.
Some of their schoolfriends have parents who are from Ukraine. They see the blue and yellow flags everywhere, and comment on them. We have a Ukrainian flag hanging at our door. When we made a cake, they dyed it blue and yellow. Our three year old now pushes yellow and blue Duplo pieces together to make a Ukrainian flag. Its lovely and heartbreaking, all at the same time.
Unlike many other things I was “sheltered” from, probably with the best of intentions or because it can be simply too hard to explain things even adults can’t get their heads around, we haven’t turned off the news when the Mini Orchids are around. I’ve changed TV stations when Channel 4 news had a piece on rape being used as a weapon, my thinking being that that was just too far for kids aged 9 and under. But, yes, they have seen the aftermath of bombings and they’ve seen packed trains heading west and children crying with exhaustion. And we talk about war, and why it happens, and why its so bloody unfair and not right but all we can do is help people when we can.
We won’t know if this is the right or wrong approach for a long time. Maybe we should censor what they see and hear a bit more. Maybe they should have to face reality a bit more. What a luxury to have this as a problem, when children in Ukraine haven’t been outside for months and hear bombs falling around them. In the meantime, we’ll keep on trying to balance our choices and letting our children express themselves in ways that help them process what’s going on in the world.
Orchids on my budget 